I loved it i see how it does have a story line of you trying to keep enclose your world from you person to see and there for you are lie and then it takes another lie to be covering up the other lies I love 5 stars
Jun 27, 2009 Rating
Story? by: Doc Haley
I don't really see a story line here. I get the idea I think but there is no real 'beginning to end' story line. It needs one.
You use "and" & "but" way too much to start your lines.
When you are through you gotta put a melody to it if for nothing else but to see if it sings well with music. If it does not then you gotta work on it again in a different approach.
Best of luck and if you hit it big, give us all some feedback one day.
Cya
Doc
