You have to have a BALANCED set of words/syllables to make this read/sing to a melody.
Too many times a good idea or set of ideas are put out in a story or partial story style which can't be sung to a melody. This is why I wish a lead sheet or a set of chords and a tempo were required to post here, but that's my opinion.
If you will count each line of words/syllables out with some consistent tempo/beat you'll see that they are not balanced close enough to sing to a consistent melody which will be required in later stages.
Also mix up the rhyming scheme. Don't live with AABB all the time.
