"To Find Solace in Anything" lyrics - Acoustic

by BobbyG
(New York City, NY)

"To Find Solace in Anything" lyrics

Here's a long one guys. It's sad. Lonely. Pathetic. Disgraceful. Hope you like it. ;) I've been adjusting it for weeks now so I hope posting it right now will help me to stop, because I can't look at it anymore. If the first few verses dont make sense, please never mind them, I guess they're a bit too personal. It's long, brace yourselves. Much thanks for reading



So what's with suicide these days?
Just another medicated cure for the outrage
Sorry to frighten you doctor but I'm thinking I can't stay
I can't stay for long

And you know something, it really would help me
Actually I'm not sure now that you've stumped me
Its days like these that I've got to crawl
To find solace in anything at all

I meant it when I said I was sorry
Now I mean it when I say I'm pissed.
Are you too busy to hear the truth or am I just not smart enough for you?
All I know is I'm confused.
And scared as shit.
Why'd you have to fu*king make me feel like this?

Well this is novel, I've got to study your bleary eyes
'Cause I'm so stolid, you can't read between my lines
And you know its only you that I've found comfort in and I, I just can't do this forever
I've got too much a history of trial and error
I know in fact with you I'm better
Can't you give me a chance

You know,
My brain is completely made of clay
You can mold it to whatever shape you think would suit me best, my neurons won't contest, they know I've been
Trying too long to stretch it my way
Trying too hard to keep it intact
Id really be grateful if you take this up
If you don't ill never feel the same
But it seems you've stumped me today.
I've got buckets of tears drowning everybody on the train
Sorry if I was being too honest, I know now the debt I paid.
If my heart is too much a handful, call your colleague, we'll set a date.
You say we've made a relationship,
I agree and I'd love to stay.
But right now I don't give a shit about your complaints
They won't dry this clay.
Just shape me.

And so continues my excursion for a personality so foreign
For a catalyst to cure me, to warm this winter I'm alone enduring
The girl on the train, she finally spoke to me this morning
Well- okay, metaphorically, but give me time I'm only learning
How to fall in love. Without a warning
Its so much easier than I thought

I read the diary glowing between her eyes
I watched a movie in her fingers as they tapped and twined
I just knew everything about her simply from the way she smiled
I knew especially there was more than meets the lie

A smile's just a smile, see I can pull it off too
C'mon, how many lip maneuvers can one really do
There's just nothing to it and I can see right through
I wish she'd put them to better use. I wish her soul was audible tho she quite works the revue,
I feel bad to be the only one to hear her.

She's screaming!
My face is nothing but candle wax
Light me and I'll melt quickly in your burning ash
And you've got about thirty seconds before i dry and crack
To swipe a smile on my molten cast
'Cause I've been trying too long to smudge it my way
Trying too hard to keep it intact
But this is business here, I mean, this here's my mask.
You've got thirty seconds before I adapt
Before I go cold
Before I'm hard as stone
Before I turn back.

I once knew a guy, now he's doing well for himself, I hear
He was a friend of mine till he left town for one very inquisitive year.
Upon his return we celebrated, swapped stories over our favorite knifed milk and beer
But I sensed something had changed within

Here I go again, thinking I know what's wrong
Thinking I'm so profound, thinking I can write a song
Of the grief I know all about, all the symptoms all along
And blaming myself for those I didn't get the chance to warn

But see, my friend pulled me out into his empty living room
And proved to me what I wistfully learned long ago too soon
And though he asked for my advice there was just, there was nothing I could do.
See I'm learning beside you.
But he was determined to be exposed early to the truth
Right then and there, he wanted to be pummeled with the rules

He said
My eyes are living life like a canvas
Its not me, its just the world and I can't help it
I wet my paintbrush, prepare to explore with my new palette.
But a blank page just can't compete with all the things I've seen.
I'm a naked brick wall, come graffiti over me.
Been trying too long to sketch it my way

Trying to hard to keep it intact
So gets dirtied my canvas
Riddled with paint shrapnel and tarnish
What looked beautiful then is now disgraceful, I'm embarrassed
And I call myself an artist
I can't paint
Can't create
Can't craft dreams that don't get crushed
And that's when he said, I'm sorry friend, I've got to shed what this paintbrush has left me-
And see just what's left of this paintbrush

My uncle, he's a man of steel, his proud wife calls him fine art
Little did she know, her husband- he took it with him to the heart
He often claims he's tough and ill admit, he surely plays his part
He's made of steel.

And fu*k! he grunts,
Fu*k my life, I cannot bear it, you see,
I'm wired nothing short of metal and stand as dignified as can be
But dignity is shit when your alone and she's fast asleep, I'm rusting like a bicycle left out in the rain- my body beams with sorrow and longing and shame (but at only at night so they don't know the pain!) Oh!
So I keep it all tucked under my bed and wait patiently for a dream
Where emblazoned on my chest is a heart that loves and feeds
And I belong to a divine love, its branded on my skin
My touch does not cauterize or scare my children from me
Because I've been welded a tender bone and a lovely heart on my sleeve
Then the sun kicks in
Off to the gym
Brazen my seared tattoos and
Strengthen my skeleton
World, make way for me
I'm a man of steel.
I cannot feel a thing!

Oh dear G-d here I go, now its time to be honest with myself.
Oh dear G-d, where'd you go?
I've been searching heaven and hell.
Been there and back, three times in fact,
Still I'm, - I mean - You,
You've disappeared far as I can tell

Bobby I'm here!
Enshrouding me with winds as He cries
I know they've been telling you to keep watch for Me
And you graciously comply
But you stumble along your way
You're only looking up at the sky
So this is Me guiding your little legs
Unearthing a path for you and cleansing your line of sight
With strong hands and an outstretched arm
I'll clear your way, you'll never go astray
Because I'm here I swear, I'm with you every single day.
So listen to me boy, I know you're one to write
Take this down and learn it, let it become welcomingly trite
But be careful boy, this isn't Me giving you advice.
This is Me holding your hand as you slip above the ice
This is Me displaying for you the beauty I created in your rite
This is Me, blurring out the line between the blacks and whites
See Bobby, I'm a master of hands, I can do anything you'd like.

I can shape
I can melt
I can paint
I can weld.

Its funny, He says, how foolish you all seem to be
Yes its true I can't deny all this power belongs to me.
But I gave you the material, you each possess what you seek
After all I've engraved within each of you, a little part of me.

Like nothings set in stone,
Like flames can always be redeemed
Like art is always art, as abstract as it seems
Like iron always finds a way to reappear brand new and clean,

You all have a chance
To alter your destiny.

(G-d, if you're listening, I know you've got to be somewhere in the heavens waiting for this prayer, or perhaps the prayer of another who's had a far worse year than mine. But this is me and the pit within looking for a pedestal from which I can bow to you upon, then leap from in a shroud of piety. Just to be at least high enough for you to hear the very faintest of a cry, from this speck of dust that blows with the wind like a pauper too famished to tire. But my soul is screaming out for you like an angel erected in a fire. There is no question of love here, you've saturated my heart with the most undiluted desires. And faith, or lack of it doesn't have the time of day to cross my mind. Belief in a greater good is heralded on my heart eternally, as if my mind were to be corrupted my blood will still flow with your passion internally. So I ask of you this plea, please account of it for me. I need to share the love I nurture selfishly with the ones I greedily deplete of. And daily I thank you for this disability but lately its been affecting everyone I meet, with every smile I heave. So please, assist me. Don't push me but guide me. Show me the way but don't lead me. And, please, I ask of you one last humble appeal. With all the darkness I've succumbed to, with my apathy towards the light, I beg of you to whisper to me, and tell me everything's gonna be alright.)